Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
Erma Bombeck
I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.
Erma Bombeck
"You know you're old if your walker has an airbag." Phyllis Diller
"Photos of me don't do me justice. They just look like me. " Phyllis Diller
"The best way to get rid of kitchen odors is to eat out." Phyllis Diller
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happier with bus of cinnamon.""You should never assume.You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled." Ellen DeGeneres
"There's lotion for your face,lotion for hands. lotion for your fee, lotion for your body. What would happen in you put hand lotion on your feet? Would your feet get confused and start clapping?" Ellen DeGeneres
"If you want to get rid of stuff, you can always do a good spring-cleaning. Or you can do what I do. Move." Ellen DeGeneres
