The New Midlife: A Survival Guide for the Waves of Change

 I believe there is an anger that begins in midlife and then comes in waves. There is a calm or acceptance in between the waves. There are triggers that stir up the anger. We have talked about becoming invisible as you age, not being seen, not being heard.

Then there is being ignored or just cut out by family and friends. Along with that, you see your body changing. In the beginning, you notice the lines around your eyes, the gray in your hair. 

Then there's the battle of the bulge. Hormone roller coaster rides, causing emotional and physical changes and issues. Your body starts to hurt, your muscles, well, now it's time to go from readers to glasses all the time, when did my eyes start this? You go to reach for something and suddenly you need physical therapy to heal what you did from a simple task.

You find yourself talking to friends about the latest pain, changes in medications, doctor appointments, someone you know is sick, a serious diagnosis of a friend or loved one. 

For many, there is the past that's hard to let go of, the dreams they had, the loss of a spouse or partner, or having to place them in a home. 

Finances come into play so many times, how will I make it, where can I cut corners?

As time goes on, the home you love may hold too many memories or has become too much to take care of, is it time to downsize? What can I afford? I have no idea what is even out there, should I stay in the area I'm in now? 

You may decide to stay where you are and make the changes needed. If a move is the answer, the emotional toll can be a lot to deal with.

Time goes by, looking in the mirror, what happened? I don't feel as old as I look. Sometimes though, I feel older than I am....

We haven't even taken a look at illnesses and injuries. About 5 years ago my husband, myself and our dog went for a ride. It was a beautiful summer day. I was driving, smiling and laughing. I pulled in at home, as I went to put the car into park, something happened. My body just stopped, my mouth dropped, I somehow got out the words "something's wrong." Right away my husband called 911. I ended up in the hospital for 4 days on the neuro ward. I had a mini stroke, a TIA. Fortunately, I have been fine since, just taking an aspirin a day. It made me realize how fragile life is, how quickly things can and do change.

No one prepares you for all of this, not really. Well, in reality, there are a lot of blogs, articles, videos with advice and tips. No one can prepare you for what is coming. But we can help each other. Being aware, knowing you're not alone, that you're not crazy may make all the difference in the world.  

It's no wonder we go through waves of anger, caused by waves of change.

No one prepares you for the moment your own body becomes a stranger. One minute you are laughing on a summer drive, and the next, you are in a neuro ward realizing how thin the line is between "fine" and "everything has changed." That fragility is terrifying. When you combine that fear with the grief of lost dreams, the stress of tight finances, and the sting of being ignored by the world, anger is the only honest response. 

Riding the Waves 

These waves of anger aren't a character flaw; they are a signal. They tell us that we are navigating a lot of "new" all at once. But because we are sisters in this, we have to look out for one another.

While most of what we feel is a natural reaction to these life changes, we also have to recognize when the "wave" has become a flood we can't escape. Sometimes, the anger isn't just situational—it can be a signal from our body that something else is happening:

• The Chemical Shift: Our hormones aren't just about hot flashes; they control our "calm" chemicals. Sometimes "anger" is actually a medical imbalance that a doctor can help level out.

• The Hidden Physical Toll: Issues like thyroid changes or even the lingering effects of things like a TIA or chronic pain can shorten our fuse.

• The Mental Weight: If the anger feels constant, or if the "calm" between waves never seems to come, reaching out for professional mental health support isn't a sign of weakness—it's a survival strategy.

You Are Not Alone

By being aware of these triggers—the invisibility, the physical betrayals, the financial scares—we can start to reclaim our power. Knowing you aren't "crazy" and that your anger has a name and a reason makes all the difference in the world. We are riding these waves together, and sometimes, just acknowledging the storm is the first step toward finding the next period of calm.

Understanding the Flood

While we are talking about these "waves" of anger as a natural response to midlife, we have to be honest with ourselves: sometimes a wave becomes a flood. If you find that the anger never recedes, or if the "calm" in between has vanished entirely, it may be time to look for a different kind of support.

It is important to remember that our bodies and minds are deeply connected. What feels like "just anger" could actually be your body signaling something else:

• Biological Shifts: Drastic changes in hormones or thyroid function can physically "shorten our fuse."

• Medical Echoes: Lingering effects from past illnesses or injuries (like my experience with a TIA) can change how our brains process stress.

• Clinical Depression or Anxiety: These don't always look like sadness; in midlife, they often mask themselves as constant irritability or rage.

If your anger feels uncontrollable, if it’s hurting your relationships, or if you simply don’t recognize yourself anymore, please reach out to your doctor or a mental health professional. There is no shame in needing a navigator when the seas get this rough.

We don't have to navigate it alone—grab an oar, lean on a sister, let's ride the Waves of Change Together, and remember that even the highest wave eventually meets the shore. 

Marge Farrington                                                  OWRO 

                                                                    

The Uncharted Success: Giving a Standing Ovation to the "Invisible" Icons

 Have you ever been at a social gathering, met someone new, and within thirty seconds they ask: "So, what do you do? Do you work?"

If you’re like me—a woman who raised three kids, managed a household, navigated family crises, and maybe even cared for aging parents—that question feels like a tiny sting. You want to laugh and say, "Are you kidding? I haven’t sat down since 1984!"

Society has a very narrow definition of a "successful woman." Usually, the spotlight only hits those who climbed a corporate ladder, broke a glass ceiling in a skyscraper, or ended up with a fancy title on a business card. But at Older Women Rock On, Dot is here to tell you: The spotlight is missing the most important show in town.

The Work That Doesn’t Come with a Paycheck

For the moms who focused on the home, the women who worked outside the home while pulling a "second shift" to raise children, and the daughters who became full-time caregivers for their parents—your success is monumental.

Success isn't just about financial gain. It’s about:

• The Logistics: Managing a household of five is project management at a professional level.

• The Emotional Labor: Being the "glue" that keeps a family together through hardships, illness, and transitions.

• The Community: The volunteer hours, the meals brought to a grieving neighbor, and the quiet ways you’ve made your corner of the world better.

The "Are You Working?" Myth

It’s time we stop apologizing for not having a "traditional" career path. If you chose your priorities based on your values—whether that was being present for your children or ensuring a parent aged with dignity—you didn't "drop out" of the race. You were running a much more important one.

You dealt with the hardships. You made the sacrifices. You lived your life according to your heart, not a company’s bottom line.

We want to give a shout-out to:

• The woman who spent 20 years making sure her kids felt seen and loved.

• The woman who balanced a job and a home, never missing a beat even when she was exhausted.

• The woman who stepped up when a family member needed care, putting her own goals on hold with grace.

You are the successful ones. You have lived your life doing what is important, and that deserves a standing ovation that lasts for years.

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Let’s Start the Celebration!

The "Invisible Resume" Shout-Out

"We’ve all got a 'resume' that doesn’t fit on a single page. What is one thing you’ve done in your life—whether it was raising a family, helping a partner’s business, or overcoming a personal hurdle—that you are incredibly proud of today? Tell us your 'invisible' achievement in the comments!"

Marge Farrington                          OWRO

The Effort of Home: Seeing My Parents Clearly

 Yesterday I took a little trip in time. The home we moved from when I was 16 popped in my head. I have a lot of  photos of me growing up there, I was curious to see what happened to it. 

The photo above is one side of our dining room, I found this online, most likely from the last time it was for sale.

The doorway leads into the kitchen. Funny thing, it's over 60 years ago and it still looks the same. We had what we called a buffet in the corner to the right of the doorway, to the left was what we called a server. My grandmother's chair sat in the corner if front of the shelves,

There is a large window that can't be seen in the photo that my grandma would sit in her rocker and look out of them. Her rocker was a dark green leather. She would sit there most of the day and rock. There was a large oriental rug and a beautiful dining room set. My grandmother came to live with us after my grandfather died. These were all hers, I hope they brought her comfort. She wasn't well, she had been sick since I was about 4 years old, her name was Marjoire, I am named after her. 

The kitchen cupboards were the same, a beautiful wood. Memories flooded in, getting ready to go to school, suppers, coming in and out from playing outside, coming in from ice skating on the pond. Sounds, busy, dishes clanging, life.

The banister at the top of the steps, I was glad to see this picture. I forgot how strong and beautiful the wood was, the hardwood floors of the hallway. 

The pictures had none of us in them, yet I could feel us there... now, it feels like it really was a visit. Something I needed. 

My life, like anyone growing up, was a mixed bag of emotions, a mixed bag of the things that happened. I guess you could say the good, the bad and the ugly. 

I feel the love my parents had that they couldn't show, maybe they didn't even know they had it. They were busy, exhausted, putting everything they had into that house to make it a home. We always had food, clothes, my dad worked hard, came home and worked on the house, the cars, the yard, in the winter, he and my brothers shoveled coal in the beginning until we got oil.

My mom worked hard taking care of the house, the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, grocery shopping. Not to mention dealing with 6 kids, during this time, losing a baby girl full term.

I think seeing this house, which was our home, with none of us in it, I realize more now, at my age, more than ever, my parents' efforts. What was expected, their own expectations.

There was love, they, like so many parents, didn't know how to show it any other way than to put it into a house to make it a home.  

Marge Farrington                   OWRO

Beyond the Scroll: Reclaiming Your Power in the First Hour

 

The first thoughts you allow in are the ones that set the path. If those first "steps" are intentional and calm, they create a clear trail to follow. If they are rushed or heavy with worry, they leave deep, jagged marks that are hard to smooth over later.

Most of us pick up our phones before we even swing our feet out of bed. We are looking for certainty in a chaotic time. But before you start that scroll, remember: your mind is like fresh snow this morning. We let the headlines become the first footprint you follow.

Deep, jagged marks left by headlines and algorithms. You are left trying to smooth over someone else's chaos all day long.

We scroll because we want to be prepared. But true preparation doesn't come from a screen; it comes from knowing where your own feet are planted. Before you check the world's news, check your own. Your 'fresh snow' deserves your own footprints first."

A few things that help me, I am passing along to you: 

The Breath: 

Three deep breaths. It’s a biological fact that this lowers cortisol (the stress hormone) that spikes when we see a negative headline. 

The View: 

Look out a window. Find one thing that isn't moving—a tree, a fence, the horizon. It grounds the mind in the physical world rather than the digital one. I love to watch the trees, the branches as they move. Cloudy or rainy day, I have a youtube channel with scenery I love, many channels your provider gives you.

Affirmations or Quotes

I am the architect of my own peace. I will not let digital noise devalue my calm.

My worth is not measured by my productivity or the news; it is measured by my presence.

My morning is my own. I choose my first thoughts. I am the priority in my first hour. By grounding myself in peace and facts first, I gain the strength to handle everything else that follows.

Marge Farrington                       OWRO 

The Great Unspoken: Planning Your Last Best Chapter

                                                                       

Why is it that we have endless guides for "The First Year" of motherhood, but when it comes to our own "Seniors" chapter, the roadmap goes blank? Once we pass 50, the conversation usually shifts to what pharmaceutical companies can sell us. We find ourselves late at night, Googling why a jar is suddenly impossible to open or if we should move closer to town.

We don't want to "burden" our children, and we don't want to dampen the mood with friends. But quiet isn't a plan. Planning is claiming your autonomy. Whether you are 50 or 85, here is how we "Rock On" by staying ahead of the curve.

The Proactive 50s: Designing the Foundation

This is your "scouting" decade. You have the energy to make big moves that will save you stress later.

• The "Can I Live Here at 80?" Test: Look at your home. Are there too many stairs? Is the laundry in the basement? If you’re going to downsize or move to a one-level home, doing it now is much easier than doing it in a crisis.

• The Paperwork Party: Don't wait. Organize your "In Case of Everything" binder. This includes your will, power of attorney, and advanced directives.

• Resource to Check: NCOA (National Council on Aging). Their "Age Well Planner" is a great digital tool to assess your health and finances.

The Strategic 60s: Rightsizing & Tech-Fitting

In your 60s, it’s about making life seamless. If a task feels like a chore now, it will be a hurdle in ten years.

• Audit the Kitchen: If that heavy ceramic dish is a "drop hazard," swap it for lightweight high-quality ware. Switch to an electric, one-touch can opener. It’s not "giving in"; it’s upgrading.

• The Community Check: Are you too far from a grocery store or a doctor? Look into "Village-to-Village" networks—communities where neighbors help neighbors age in place.

• Resource to Check: AARP’s HomeFit Guide. It’s a free download that shows you how to turn your current home into a "forever home" with simple, stylish tweaks.

The Wise 70s & Up: Mastering the Flow

This decade is about staying connected and ensuring your environment supports your joy, not just your needs.

• The "Help" Reframe: Needing a hand with the closet or the yard isn't a loss of independence—it’s a way to preserve it. Look for "Senior Concierge" services in your area that help with tech, chores, and organization.

• Social Connectivity: Isolation is the enemy. If driving at night is becoming a "no," look into local silver-travel groups or community shuttles.

• Resource to Check: Area Agencies on Aging (AAA). Every area has one! They are the "Gold Standard" for finding local help, from meals to transportation and insurance counseling (SHIP).

A Final Thought for the "Younger" Ones

If you are in your 30s or 40s, help us break the silence. Don't wait for a fall to ask, "How can we make this easier?" Let’s make "The Conversation" a normal part of Sunday dinner.

We are fortunate to be seniors. This is the last chapter of our book—let’s make sure we are the ones holding the pen.

The Thursday Loop: When Time Echoes with Love

I walked into my dad’s house years ago, just a regular visit on a regular afternoon. Before I could even get my coat off, he looked at me and said, "You know, every time I turn around, it's Thursday."

At the time, we probably just laughed it off. But isn't it funny how those little "in-passing" comments become the soundtrack of our lives? Now, every time Thursday rolls around, I hear his voice. It’s a gentle tap on the shoulder from the past, reminding me that while time moves fast—maybe a little too fast these days—the people we love never truly leave us. They stay tucked away in the calendar pages Funny, I didn't have a special day of the week until after my dad died. Shows how one little moment can stay with someone forever.

As we get older, "every time we turn around," another week has zipped by. But those echoes of wisdom (or just funny observations) from our parents and loved ones are what keep us anchored. They are the little "temporal landmarks" that make a random weekday feel like a shared moment.

Now, I want to hear from you, ladies!

• Is there a specific day of the week you identify with? Maybe a "Monday Mood" or a "Saturday Spirit" that follows you around?

• Has someone you loved ever said something in passing that constantly pops up in your head? Share your stories in the comments below. Let’s celebrate the quirks and memories that make our weeks meaningful!

 

Marge Farrington                          OWRO

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The Gift of Peace: Ensuring Your Pet is Always Cared For

 For many of us, our pets aren't just animals—they are our roommates, our confidants, and sometimes our best reason to get out of bed in the morning. But as we navigate the "Rock On" years, new challenges can pop up. Whether it’s a tight budget, a sudden hospital stay, or just a change in our physical mobility, the worry of "What happens to my pet?" can be heavy.

The good news? You don't have to carry that weight alone. Here is a step-by-step guide to finding support and creating a "Circle of Care" for your furry family.

1. Financial and Physical Helping Hands

If the cost of food or the physical task of walking the dog is becoming a hurdle, these national programs are here to bridge the gap:

• AniMeals (Meals on Wheels): Many local chapters deliver pet food right along with human meals. If you or someone you know uses Meals on Wheels, ask about their pet program!

• Pet Food Pantries: Search for "Pet Food Bank" in your city. Organizations like Feeding Pets of the Homeless maintain a national map of places where you can get free supplies. 
  Pet Rescues may have pet food and supplies. Check on social media pages for local rescues or call them. 

• Nextdoor and "The Power of Asking": Don’t underestimate your neighbors. A simple post on the Nextdoor app saying, "I’d love some help walking my dog twice a week," often connects you with local students or neighbors who are looking for a reason to get outside.

2. The "Forever Foster" Solution

Have you ever heard of "Seniors for Seniors"? Many shelters have programs where they match older pets with older humans.

• The Benefit: The rescue often remains the legal owner and covers all expenses—vet bills, meds, and food.

• The Security: If you ever reach a point where you can no longer care for the pet, the rescue takes them back immediately. It is all the love with none of the financial or "what-if" stress.

3. Planning for the "In-Between" (Hospital Stays)

If you have to go into the hospital for a few days or a few weeks, you shouldn't have to worry about your pet sitting home alone.

• PACT for Animals: This incredible national organization finds temporary foster homes for the pets of people experiencing a medical crisis. They handle the vetting and logistics so you can focus on your recovery.

• The "Emergency Red Folder": Keep a bright red folder on your kitchen counter. Inside, include your pet’s vet records, a 2-week supply of meds, and instructions on their daily routine.

4. Your "Circle of Care" Action Plan

An emergency kit is great, but a Plan of Action is your pet's insurance policy. Try to build a three-tier defense:

1. The Immediate Responder: A local neighbor with a key who can check in within an hour.

2. The Temporary Guardian: A friend or family member who can take the pet for a month if needed.

3. The Permanent Successor: A person or organization (like 2nd Chance 4 Pets) named in your paperwork to care for the pet long-term.

Pro Tip: Look into a "Pet Trust" or a "Pet Protection Agreement." These are simple legal ways to ensure money is set aside for your pet’s care and that your wishes are followed.

5. A Gift of Peace for You

We plan for our houses, our cars, and our health—planning for our pets is just as vital. By setting up these "safety nets" now, you aren't just helping your pet; you are giving yourself the peace of mind to truly enjoy every snuggle and tail wag.

Important Resources to Save:

• 2ndchance4pets.org (Lifetime care planning)

• pactforanimals.org (Temporary foster for hospital stays)

• redrover.org (Financial grants for vet crises)

Marge Farrington                      OWRO

Your No-Stress Spring Wardrobe Edit!

Hey, fabulous ladies! Ready to tackle a subject that, let's be honest, can feel like a mountain: our closets.

We’ve all been there, staring at a packed wardrobe, muttering, "I have nothing to wear!" It's a universal truth that we accumulate too many clothes. And let’s be real, a lot of those clothes are for a "fantasy us"—the us who still fits into those designer jeans from 2005, or the us who attends black-tie galas every weekend.

Well, this spring, we're ditching the fantasy and embracing the real, magnificent us! Forget rigid "capsule wardrobes" (unless that's your jam, of course!). We're going for something better: Intentional Editing. It's about making space, finding joy in what we keep, and dressing for the life we actually lead, not the one we think we should lead.

Ready to clear the clutter and rock your everyday style? Let’s do this!

Step 1: The "Reverse Hanger" Trick – Your Secret Weapon!

This is pure genius, no overthinking required.

1. Flip 'Em: Go into your closet and turn all your clothes hangers backward. The hook should face you.

2. Wear & Flip: Every time you wear an item, put it back on its hanger, but turn the hanger the right way (hook facing the back of the closet).

3. The Reveal (in 3 months): After about three months, glance at your closet. Any clothes still hanging on backward hangers haven't been worn. Period. These are prime candidates for your "Gift to Someone Else" box. It's hard data, ladies—no guilt, just facts!

Step 2: Embrace Your "Go-To" Outfits 

We all have those few outfits that make us feel amazing, comfortable, and confident. Your personal style!

• Identify Your Power Combos: Think about what you reach for most often. Is it your favorite jeans with that perfect flowy tunic and a denim jacket? Or maybe elegant black trousers with a colorful knit and a statement necklace?

• The Photo Hack: When you put on an outfit that makes you think, "Yes! I feel great in this!"—snap a quick selfie in the mirror. Create a special album on your phone called "My Go-To Looks." The next time you're staring blankly at your closet, just scroll through your album and replicate one of your proven winners. No decision fatigue, just instant style!

Step 3: The "Gift to Someone Else" Box

This is where the magic happens and where we make room for joy. As you go through your clothes (especially those backward-hanger items!), ask yourself:

• Does it fit me comfortably today? (Be honest, darling!)

• Does it make me feel confident and happy when I wear it?

• Does it suit my current lifestyle? (That sequin cocktail dress might be gorgeous, but if you haven't worn it in five years, it's taking up prime real estate.)

For anything that doesn't get a resounding "YES!" to these questions, it's time for it to find a new home.

• Quality Check: For items that are still in great condition but just aren't "you" anymore, place them gently into a designated "Gift to Someone Else" box.

• Give with Joy: Think of it not as "getting rid of" but as "releasing these items to their next life." Imagine someone else finding that perfect blouse or those hardly-worn trousers and feeling wonderful in them. Local charities, women's shelters, or even a "clothing swap" with friends are fantastic options.

Step 4: Curate for You 

Now that you’ve cleared some space, you’ll start to see the pieces you truly love and wear. These are your "Performance Pieces":

• The Anchors: A few pairs of great-fitting pants or jeans in versatile colors (black, navy, denim) that you can build endless outfits around.

• The Canvases: Comfortable, high-quality tops in colors and styles that flatter you. Think plain tees, elegant blouses, and cozy knits.

• The Personality: These are the fun bits! Your fabulous scarves, statement jewelry, a chic jacket, or those unique shoes that express your individual style. These are what make your outfits uniquely yours.

Embrace Your OWRO Style!

Just like our beloved characters, we all have a unique flair. Which "Older Woman Rock On" vibe resonates with you most right now?

• Daring, bold, and never afraid to sparkle! Keep the vibrant colors, the eye-catching accessories, and anything that makes you feel glamorous.

• Relaxed, natural, and effortlessly chic. Focus on soft fabrics, flowy silhouettes, and earthy tones that feel good and move with you.

• Modern, sleek, and sharp. Embrace clean lines, classic pieces with a twist, and maybe a touch of understated edge.

Ready to Rock Your Closet?

This spring, let's celebrate our personal style by making our closets work for us, not against us. Fewer clothes mean less stress and more confidence in knowing that everything you own makes you feel fantastic.

What's your favorite tip for decluttering your wardrobe? Share your wisdom in the comments below!

Stay fabulous!

Marge Farrington            OWRO

 

You Are the Ripple: Finding Meaning When You Feel Invisible

There is a quiet, heavy feeling that many of us face as the years pass—a sense of becoming invisible. We walk through the grocery store, navigate our neighborhoods, or scroll through our phones and feel a nagging doubt: Does my presence still matter? Will I be remembered?

These feelings are real. They are valid. We shouldn't suppress them; we should acknowledge them. But we must also refuse to let them be the final word on our value.

The Invisible Ripple

Think back to your 5th-grade teacher. For me, it was his first year teaching. He likely had no idea that his excitement for science and the joy he brought to the classroom would stay with a student decades later. He created a ripple that is still moving today.

Now, turn that lens on yourself. You have created thousands of ripples:

• The strength you showed colleagues during a difficult project.

• The kind word you offered a stranger who looked overwhelmed.

• The simple gesture of holding a door or sharing a genuine smile.

• The friends you’ve lost touch with who still carry a piece of your wisdom or a memory of your laughter.

You have touched lives in ways you will never fully know. Your value is not a tally of how many people call you today; it is the permanent mark you have left on the fabric of the world.

Reaching Out: The Two-Way Street

Sometimes we feel forgotten because others are caught in their own storms. Younger generations are often running at a breakneck pace, and peers may be struggling with their own feelings of isolation.

1. Reach out first: Before assuming they don't care, send a text or make a call.

2. Release the outcome: If you reach out and the door remains closed, it’s okay to find a new road. Your energy is precious.

3. Check the "Why": If you aren't getting out because of logistics—transportation, budget, or health—it is time to lean on the community you’ve helped build.

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Resources: Finding Your New Road

If you feel stuck at home, there are hands reaching back out to you. You just have to know where to look:

• Mobility & Transport: Many counties offer "Dial-a-Ride" or senior paratransit services that provide free or low-cost transportation for grocery trips and social appointments.

• The Hub of Connection: Your local Senior Center is often the heartbeat of the community. They offer everything from technology classes (to help you stay connected online) to fitness and crafting circles.

• Intergenerational Programs: Look for "Foster Grandparent" programs or local library reading hours. Younger generations need your stories and your "ripple."

• Virtual Villages: Organizations like Village to Village Network help older adults age in place by connecting them with local volunteers for errands and social visits.

• Daily Inspiration: For local news and stories that keep you connected to the community right here in Western North Carolina, be sure to check wnctimes.

Final Thought

Don't let the silence of a phone define the volume of your life. You have been a teacher, a friend, a pillar of strength, and a source of kindness. Those ripples don't stop just because the water looks still.

Rock on, ladies. You are seen, and you are significant.

Let's Talk about what works for you? We all go through these times. What actions have you taken? Let us know in the comments.

This blog is not just for me to talk, I am looking for conversation! 

Marge Farrington         OWRO

 

Finding Solace in the Stillness

 It happens to the best of us—that sudden, uninvited heaviness that settles in like an afternoon fog. There isn’t always a "why." You didn’t lose your keys, the car isn't making a weird noise, and the world is spinning exactly as it should, yet there you are, feeling a bit hollowed out.

When you’re an "older woman who rocks," society expects you to have it all figured out. We’re supposed to be the anchors, the wisdom-sharers, the ones with the sturdy shoulders. But sometimes, those shoulders just want to slump.

Erma Bombeck understood that. She spent decades making us laugh at the absurdity of life, but she was a master at acknowledging the quiet, lonely corners of it, too. She once said:

"I’ve always worried about people who can’t laugh at themselves. It’s like being born without a funny bone. You’re always vulnerable."

When that untriggered sadness hits, maybe the "funny bone" is just tired. It’s okay to let it rest. Erma’s humor worked because it was rooted in the absolute truth that life is messy, and aging doesn’t necessarily make the mess any easier to sweep up—it just gives you a more interesting broom.

The Truth About the "No-Reason" Sadness

There is a specific kind of bravery in admitting you're sad when you have "no reason" to be. We tend to audit our lives: I have my health, I have my family, I have my work—I shouldn't feel this way. But Erma would likely tell you that "should" is a useless word. She lived through real scares—cancer, kidney failure, the loss of friends—and she knew that humor wasn't a way to hide from the sadness, but a way to survive it. She reminded us that:

• You don’t have to be "on" all the time. If the lead singer of the band needs a solo in a minor key, let her sing it.

• The sadness isn't a failure. It’s just the price of having a heart that’s been open for several decades. It gets a little weathered.

• A little bit of absurdity helps. Erma used to joke about her house being so dirty she wrote "Drip Dry" on the bathtub. When the weight feels heavy, finding one tiny, ridiculous thing to acknowledge can be the first crack of light.

Moving Through the Fog

If you’re feeling it today, don't rush to fix it with a "gratitude list" or a forced smile. Just sit with it. Treat it like a guest who didn't RSVP—you don't have to throw a party for it, but you can acknowledge it's in the room.

As Erma beautifully put it: "Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving." Don't let yourself feel guilty for being human. You've earned the right to every emotion you feel, even the ones that don't make sense on paper.

The fog always lifts. And when it does, the "Older Woman Who Rocks" is still there—maybe a little quieter, maybe a little more tired, but infinitely more real.

Marge Farrington   OWRO