I believe there is an anger that begins in midlife and then comes in waves. There is a calm or acceptance in between the waves. There are triggers that stir up the anger. We have talked about becoming invisible as you age, not being seen, not being heard.
Then there is being ignored or just cut out by family and friends. Along with that, you see your body changing. In the beginning, you notice the lines around your eyes, the gray in your hair.
Then there's the battle of the bulge. Hormone roller coaster rides, causing emotional and physical changes and issues. Your body starts to hurt, your muscles, well, now it's time to go from readers to glasses all the time, when did my eyes start this? You go to reach for something and suddenly you need physical therapy to heal what you did from a simple task.
You find yourself talking to friends about the latest pain, changes in medications, doctor appointments, someone you know is sick, a serious diagnosis of a friend or loved one.
For many, there is the past that's hard to let go of, the dreams they had, the loss of a spouse or partner, or having to place them in a home.
Finances come into play so many times, how will I make it, where can I cut corners?
As time goes on, the home you love may hold too many memories or has become too much to take care of, is it time to downsize? What can I afford? I have no idea what is even out there, should I stay in the area I'm in now?
You may decide to stay where you are and make the changes needed. If a move is the answer, the emotional toll can be a lot to deal with.
Time goes by, looking in the mirror, what happened? I don't feel as old as I look. Sometimes though, I feel older than I am....
We haven't even taken a look at illnesses and injuries. About 5 years ago my husband, myself and our dog went for a ride. It was a beautiful summer day. I was driving, smiling and laughing. I pulled in at home, as I went to put the car into park, something happened. My body just stopped, my mouth dropped, I somehow got out the words "something's wrong." Right away my husband called 911. I ended up in the hospital for 4 days on the neuro ward. I had a mini stroke, a TIA. Fortunately, I have been fine since, just taking an aspirin a day. It made me realize how fragile life is, how quickly things can and do change.
No one prepares you for all of this, not really. Well, in reality, there are a lot of blogs, articles, videos with advice and tips. No one can prepare you for what is coming. But we can help each other. Being aware, knowing you're not alone, that you're not crazy may make all the difference in the world.
It's no wonder we go through waves of anger, caused by waves of change.
No one prepares you for the moment your own body becomes a stranger. One minute you are laughing on a summer drive, and the next, you are in a neuro ward realizing how thin the line is between "fine" and "everything has changed." That fragility is terrifying. When you combine that fear with the grief of lost dreams, the stress of tight finances, and the sting of being ignored by the world, anger is the only honest response.
Riding the Waves
These waves of anger aren't a character flaw; they are a signal. They tell us that we are navigating a lot of "new" all at once. But because we are sisters in this, we have to look out for one another.
While most of what we feel is a natural reaction to these life changes, we also have to recognize when the "wave" has become a flood we can't escape. Sometimes, the anger isn't just situational—it can be a signal from our body that something else is happening:
The Chemical Shift: Our hormones aren't just about hot flashes; they control our "calm" chemicals. Sometimes "anger" is actually a medical imbalance that a doctor can help level out.
The Hidden Physical Toll: Issues like thyroid changes or even the lingering effects of things like a TIA or chronic pain can shorten our fuse.
The Mental Weight: If the anger feels constant, or if the "calm" between waves never seems to come, reaching out for professional mental health support isn't a sign of weakness—it's a survival strategy.
You Are Not Alone
By being aware of these triggers—the invisibility, the physical betrayals, the financial scares—we can start to reclaim our power. Knowing you aren't "crazy" and that your anger has a name and a reason makes all the difference in the world. We are riding these waves together, and sometimes, just acknowledging the storm is the first step toward finding the next period of calm.
Understanding the Flood
While we are talking about these "waves" of anger as a natural response to midlife, we have to be honest with ourselves: sometimes a wave becomes a flood. If you find that the anger never recedes, or if the "calm" in between has vanished entirely, it may be time to look for a different kind of support.
It is important to remember that our bodies and minds are deeply connected. What feels like "just anger" could actually be your body signaling something else:
Biological Shifts: Drastic changes in hormones or thyroid function can physically "shorten our fuse."
Medical Echoes: Lingering effects from past illnesses or injuries (like my experience with a TIA) can change how our brains process stress.
Clinical Depression or Anxiety: These don't always look like sadness; in midlife, they often mask themselves as constant irritability or rage.
If your anger feels uncontrollable, if it’s hurting your relationships, or if you simply don’t recognize yourself anymore, please reach out to your doctor or a mental health professional. There is no shame in needing a navigator when the seas get this rough.
We don't have to navigate it alone—grab an oar, lean on a sister, let's ride the Waves of Change Together, and remember that even the highest wave eventually meets the shore.
Marge Farrington OWRO
