Stop Fighting What "Should Be" and Start Living What Is

As we step into 2026, I’ve been thinking a lot about the private conversations we have with ourselves. You know the ones. We’re facing a tough situation—maybe a health hiccup, a family drama, or just one of those days where nothing goes right—and that little voice in our head starts its protest:

"I shouldn't have to deal with this." "It isn't fair." "They shouldn't have said that to me." "It wasn't supposed to be this way."

It feels natural, doesn't it? It feels like we’re standing up for ourselves. But I caught a video recently that really made me pause. It reminded me that when we spend our time arguing with reality, the only person losing the argument is us. We end up wasting so much time and energy in a tug-of-war with things we can't change.

The Energy Drain

Think about how much "heart-space" we waste when we're stuck in the should-haves. Since it’s a new year, it’s so easy to look back at the past and get caught in the "could’ve, would’ve, should’ve" cycle.

At this stage of our lives, our energy is precious. We’ve worked too hard to spend it wrestling with the past or shouting at the present. Whether it’s a regret from twenty years ago or a rude comment from twenty minutes ago, the reality is that it happened. When we tell ourselves it "shouldn't" be happening, we aren't fixing it—we’re just adding a layer of exhaustion on top of the problem.

A New Way to Look at It

What if, this year, we try a different approach?

Instead of saying "This shouldn't be happening," what if we say, "This is what is happening. Now, what am I going to do about it?"

By dropping the argument with ourselves, we free up all that wasted power. We stop being victims of "unfairness" and start being the women of action we’ve always been. It’s not about liking the situation; it’s about accepting that it’s there so we can move through it and find our peace.

Let’s Share Our Wisdom

I know I’m not the only one who gets stuck in these mental loops, and I also know that this Older Women Rock community is full of incredible life experience. I want to hear from you!

• How do you stop yourself when you realize you’re arguing with reality?

• Do you have a mantra or a little trick that helps you shift from "This shouldn't be" to "I can handle this"?

• What is one "should-have" from your past that you are officially letting go of for 2026?

Please share your ideas and thoughts in the comments. Your insight might be exactly what another sister needs to hear today to help her stop looking back and start rocking the here and now.

Marge Farrington OWRO